I almost 30 weeks, 30 weeks! I just can't believe it. This pregnancy has flown by! And it has been filled with very different emotions for me. At first I was just excited and then it became more of indifference. Not really thinking about it because I had so much going on everywhere else. Now that my due date is drawing near and the thought that Addison came 10 days early...I'm getting nervous that it might be just 8-10 weeks away. Instead of being excited, I spend my time wondering how I'm going to handle having a newborn and a toddler and keep my house running the way I have been. I am nervous about how Addison is going to handle having to share me so much. I know all of this is normal and all of you out there who have multiple children are thinking, "That's so normal. You will do fine." I'm sure I will. But it's the fear of the unknown.
If I weren't pregnant, things would be sooo easy for me. Addison is hitting such a great age. (minus our sleep issues) She is about to start school and I would have three mornings at home alone to get everything done and spend the afternoons with her. But this way it gives her time to play without being bored and Weston and I time alone since he will never truly have me to himself. The hardest part for me is remembering what it was like when Addison was a newborn...pumping, no naps. Feeling alone, tired, drained. A lot of that had to do with the nursing/pumping issues. Which I pray I will NOT have this time! I just feel like I'm focusing on the negatives instead of the positives. Nathan will be the first to tell you that he doesn't like the newborn stage. (To the point that it scares non-parents into not wanting to do it. Ha!) I wouldn't say that I don't like it because some of the things are so precious, but it is really hard. Or at least it was for me the first time.
Some days I'm really excited and other days the pregnancy hormones get the best of me. Part of it might be the fact that after getting up with Addison at 4:30, Weston decided to practice his karate and I couldn't get back to sleep and then Addison was back up for the day at 6:45. Doesn't being tired make things seem harder or worse? It does for me!
Being tired makes things 10 times worse. I think that's why we have such a hard time when we have newborns. The beginning won't be easy, but you'll get through it. I am always here if you need anything. If you feel like you're alone/drowning at the beginning, call me please. I will come and watch the kiddos and you can take a nice hot bath and relax. Pray, pray, pray!!!
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