As most of you know, I was SUPER sick with Addison for the first 20 weeks. Throwing up multiple times a day every day, loosing weight, and basically never getting out of the house. During that time, I was so sure that I would never get pregnant again. I couldn't imagine being that sick and taking care of small child. Well...time went on and I really wanted to do it again, but mostly just because of one reason. I want to nurse. I had really hoped it would be different. It has been different. I didn't throw up once until after I hit 8 weeks, and I don't get sick nearly as often, some days not at all. I just feel sick ALL day and night!! In some ways this is just as hard because I have Addison and Titus to care for. (he really does take up a lot more time then you would think) But I'm hoping that because it hasn't been as bad that it wont last 20 weeks this time. I'm almost 13 so hopefully soon. Most days I'm thankful no one has called to look at the house because I don't have the energy to do a last minute clean and get the troops out of the house.
Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED to be having a baby!! But unless you've actually had this during pregnancy then you can't understand. It's hard not knowing if you will wake up again tomorrow feeling just as sick and not knowing when it will stop. It's draining to be so sick every day physically and emotionally. In some ways it's easier, because right after hugging the toilet, I come out and see my little girl and she usually smiles or says something cute and I just know it is MORE than worth it! I've tried all the "tricks" and even prescription and the only thing working for me is probably going to be time. I can't wait to meet this little blessing! I don't worry near as much about it being healthy because I see how extremely healthy Addison was/is and she survived on a lot less. It amazes me how God took such good care of her because in those days, nothing stayed down.
Some women love being pregnant. Most of these women don't go through morning sickness this way. Maybe some do. I love a few parts about it. Every check up I tear up when I hear my baby's heart beat. I like feeling the kicks later on. Believe it or not, I can't wait for labor because that rush of hormones is AMAZING in a natural birth. But other than that, I don't care anything about being pregnant.
Nursing or not...this will probably be my last pregnancy. Nathan is completely on board with this decision. I think he told me before I told him that was what I was feeling. It's hard for him to see me this way for so long. This doesn't mean we are done having children. 3 is still the magic number in my heart. And I believe that God can break through vasectomies and anything else if he really wants me to be pregnant again. haha But right now we are praying about adopting in a couple of years. This is something that has been building in our hearts for years. We aren't sure where or what age yet because it isn't time. I do believe that in a few years we will get to meet the child that God grew in my heart and not in my womb!
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