Lately I feel like I've been in a funk. Actually, for a few months. I've been dealing with a lot of things and I think it's just piled up and I've had a hard time shaking this depressing feeling. Lots of family issues, insecurites I'm feeling, a little sleep derived, winter time, and missing my husband. Nathan's been on the road a lot since Weston was born and even when he's here he is super busy with work. Often times working after we put the kids to sleep. Between his job and the whole newborn phase I've been feeling really disconnected from him. My husband is my best friend and the person I'm closest to in the whole world so when I don't feel close to him I think it makes me feel worse. We have both been feeling the effects of this lately and it shows in our marriage. We had a looong talk the other day and we are making improvements to get things back to the way they should be and even better in time.
Usually I can shake stuff like this but this time I've had a harder time. I still have moments that I feel overwhelmed with happiness and these are when I'm with my kids or thinking about Nathan. Even though we've been having a hard time, I am still very much in love with my husband and I'm crazy about my kids. I know that I have way too much to be thankful for to feel like this, but I can't help it. It seems life and stuff have gotten in the way of my happiness. I'm tired of feeling worn down and sad.
Not sure how to end this blog...just putting it out there because this is why I haven't been blogging much lately.
You are not alone! I felt the same way for several months after Kylie was born. I was so overwhelmed. Even though I don't work, I go to school, and online school is so much more demanding than traditional school. I was tired ALL THE TIME, and I just felt like I had no energy to put into anything. Plus, Chris gets up really early for work and wants to go to bed much earlier than I can. Plus, I was dealing with a bunch of other things of which I just felt so out of control. It was such a test for our marriage. But, we came out SO much stronger. I think Chris and I are at the best place we've ever been in our relationship. I will be praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteJennifer. I could have written this post after Johnny and Michelle were born! Matthew was the busiest right after I had a baby. I felt all alone, overwhelemd, and frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't control my emotions and just be happy. I look back on it now and I know a majority of it was hormones and lack of sleep. Praying for you. (Seriously, if you want to hang out while Nathan's gone...come on over!)
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone Jennifer. Having a baby is rough! Not only being sleep deprived, but all the other emotions that come with it. I've felt so disconnected with Josh, and just plain lonely. Things seem to be getting better lately, but it still feels like a long way to getting back to "normal." Hoping you are feeling better. :)
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