God had really been doing things in my heart lately. I'm praying for a passion to be lit in my heart and in my husband's heart. I'm seeing changes in both of us. I love it! As always, as I press in to God, Satan begins to step up his attacks. Trying to turn my growth into something negative. I've been feeling lack of purpose. As if my love for God isn't as great, my purpose is nothing compared to others. I read a blog of a girl who is my age living in Uganda as a missionary and has adopted 13 girls. Her words are so real. Her passion for Christ is powerful! Her words inspire me to seek God on a much deeper level. Lately as I've read her stories of their ministry and all that she is doing, Satan has been whispering, "You will never be as great as her."
I've read about how great our purpose is as mother's who stay at home. I know this is where God has called me. I love the songs that talk about our importance and the blogs that show Christ's heart in this. But at the same time I can help thinking what am I doing for his Kingdom? How can my purpose compare to those who give ALL of themselves every day and sole purpose each day is to share God's love. I get so caught up in the day to day stuff.
The other morning Weston was down for a nap and I cleaning my room. A praise song came to me and I started singing out-loud to the Lord. I stood in my bedroom with my arms lifted and my eyes closed. As I was singing I heard a little voice copying me and I looked down to see Addison standing in front of me worshiping with her arms lifted just like mommy. I continued to sing with tears streaming down my face as I watched my daughter singing praises.
I may not be surrounded in poverty. I might not be a foreign missionary. But my purpose is great! These children God has blessed me with our the future. How many people will they come in contact with in their lifetime that their actions and words will affect? Part of my purpose is to raise Godly children. I have family and friends that need Christ also. These are people God has brought me and they need Jesus just as much as anyone else.
It's easy to feel like I'm not accomplishing anything when I'm just here scrubbing floors, cleaning dog drool, wiping bottoms and noses, etc. But I KNOW that if I am willing, God can use me anywhere! I KNOW that my purpose is great! I have to be willing to see it. I have to be obedient do what he's asked.
"What can I say, What can I do
But offer this heart,
Completely to you.
And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned,
In Awe of the One who gave it all.
And I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is YOURS."
This made me cry -- hearing the story of Addison worshipping like you. What a wonderful example, Jennifer! You are showing your children how to be like Christ and there is no greater ministry. I pray that God continues to show all of us moms what we ARE accomplishing at home and how we can be the best _________ (fill in the blank) that He's called us to be! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are SO RIGHT! You have a critical mission field of at least TWO souls that you and Nathan are the primary influence. I always felt that if I influenced hundreds and lost my three I would have failed miserably!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally sitting here with tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing your heart. This was a serious issue for me for years since as a young person I traveled the world and prayed for people in prayer lines with an interpreter by my side and I saw cataracts melt away and goiters disappear. . . being a mother can seem unimportant by comparison, but that's my mistake. Comparing. I am personally influencing 4 potential mothers, wives, women of God. What a gift. Keep up the good lovin' of your man and your kiddos. It's truly a calling.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and precious post, Jen. This needs to be read by mothers everywhere especially when we get so caught up in all the mama-stuff. We go through different seasons in life. The mission of motherhood is your purpose right now and what a HUGE calling God has given you. I love what Brenda wrote that "if I influenced hundreds and lost my three I would have failed miserably!" Well said.
ReplyDelete