26

I just had my birthday. I'm 26 now. Finally no longer in my early 20s! haha I say finally because I feel as though I'm a lot older already. Part of it is because I've always been mature, part because we started our family young, and part is because most of my close friends are 5-10+ years older than me. So while I tease about shaving years and being sad about getting "old", I'm actually fine with it.

I am really excited about the place that I feel like I'm heading and all that this year will hold. For a few years I've felt a little frozen in time. I went from college life to married life in a few short months. We started trying on our wedding night to get pregnant and 6 weeks later we were! So for the past 5 years I've been in baby making stage. I love it. I'm proud of myself as a mother...though I'm always praying the Lord will help me be better because I definitely fail! I'm proud of my children...even though there are moments when I'm trying to decide to laugh, cry, or contemplating tequila straight to veins. (Ok...maybe that's dramatic but it's honest.) haha

But for a few months I've really been getting nervous about them getting older for one reason... What do I do when I'm not needed 24/7? I'm a stay at home mom. I didn't finish college because I just wanted to get married and have babies so I don't have a degree or career plan. I'm not sure what I'll do when the kids are in school all day. I want to be flexible and have the ability to be at home if they are sick or not in school and also be involved in their classes, but I do not have the desire to just sit at home and twiddle my thumbs from 8-3. I will want to do something. Could be a job, could be volunteer work. I don't know. But part of the reason I'm scared is because the only thing I'm confident about myself is being a mom. Otherwise, I feel trained for nothing. I could probably go back to school and I'm not saying that I wont, but I honestly don't enjoy school so that will have to be the Lord telling me to go. I feel as though I didn't really pursue myself after getting married. The main goal and focus was being a mom and raising my babies and somewhere along the way I just forgot about ME. I spend so much time discovering my children's interest and finding ways to encourage them such trains, dinosaurs, dance, tractors, gymnastics, painting, etc and I really don't even know what my interests are anymore. I've never had a hobby or a special skill. - I don't mean it to sound like I don't realize how important raising babies can be but I just want to discover "Who I am BESIDES being a mom." I want to try new things now that I'm going to have a little more free time!

I still have no idea if I will have a career so to speak or what it would be... but I do feel excited lately because I'm about to gain some hobbies and hopefully learn a new skill. I've decided I want to learn how to sew and do embroidery! Mostly to make my children clothes, do monogramming, and make gifts. Then maybe it will open the doors for me to make other things as I learn more. Nathan teased me and asked if I would be turning 62 instead of 26. (He's a regular jokester. haha But that's what I wanted to use with my birthday money.) Also, in a few weeks I will begin trying to learn Spanish on a semi fluent level! I'm pretty much obsessed with Spanish and Latin American culture so I couldn't be more excited. I took four years in high school but that doesn't mean a whole hill of beans. I've wanted to purchase the Rosetta Stone program for a long time but it is expensive! Yesterday Nathan sent me a link that they were on sale for half price! So we talked about it and decided to use some of our adoption money towards the program. It will come in very handy since I will be spending about 7 weeks in Honduras one day!

So here's to being a mom and having interests of my OWN! :)