Sure is hard the last time

I'm amazed at how different I feel compared to last time. With Addison everything was so new and exciting. I couldn't wait for her to get to each next step. It really didn't matter what it was...bigger clothes, bigger diapers, new foods, crawling, walking, talking, etc. This time I'm in no rush at all! I'm not slowing him down but I don't offer things until I know that he is ready and I think I hold onto each phase a little longer. We know we are going to adopt but unless God tells us otherwise, we are adopting a toddler or small child so this is my last baby. I am living two different emotions every day. I look forward to so many things. Life just gets a lot easier at about 18months for me and only seems to get better. But I'm also holding onto each precious moment because I know I never get to do it again. I do not want another baby, but I certainly love the little one I got! It's funny to me how much I don't want to do it again and yet I'm still so sad watching him grow up. I kinda feel like my children grow faster than others. Some of Weston's friends aren't even crawling and he is pulling up and I wont be surprised if he also is walking before one like Addison was. In some ways I envy those whose babies seem to stay babies longer. But I'm also proud of them for achieving in a shorter period...see I'm just nuts. lol

Last night Weston needed me once. He went to bed a little before 8 and got up at 11. Then he woke up at 1:15 crying and I rolled over and looked at the monitor. Watched him grab a pacifier and lay back down. A couple times I thought I heard him but he would be asleep or laying back down. He slept until 7:30 this morning. You would think I would be happy. But here I am again. Torn between my desire to actually sleep for consecutive hours and my desire to have a little baby that needs me.