This and That

Haven't really blogged but about me lately. For the most part I post about stuff happening with the kids because I plan to save it all for them to read when they are older. (If they want) And its for family and friends that want to stay updated that live far away. But I also like to blog to watch myself grow over the years, transition, and to feel like I'm putting stuff out there and being heard.

So here are things going around inside my head lately...

I'm about to have a 3 year old! I know I started off a young mom but that's what I've always wanted to be and we decided not to wait. I babysat from about the time I was 11 and 12 (Which amazes me because I wouldn't hire someone that young! haha) I dreamed of the day I would be a mom and yet sometimes I still don't feel like it's real. Part of me keeps waiting for someone to come pick up their kids. Just seems amazing that I'm the mom of these two precious children and that they are growing up. My little girl is about to be 3 next month. Feels weird. I feel like I'm staying the same age and I'm watching her grow up.

Sometimes I want to delete my blog. I love receiving comments and I like it for the reasons I mentioned earlier. But part of me wishes I didn't have it. I feel like there are people reading my blog that I don't even know about. Others that don't really care to be in my life anymore but want to be nosey. Sometimes I think I'm putting raw emotions out into space that others read but I don't get a piece of them in return. Does this sound strange?? Maybe. But it's been on my mind.

I've been trying to meet new people and make more friends. I'm such a quiet person at first. Always been insecure and shy. As I'm growing up I am trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone. To gain the confidence that God has called me to. We have had two couples over here for the first time recently and I've been trying to schedule times out alone and play dates. I'm proud of myself really. I love getting together with people but I'm not always the one to take the initiative. I've enjoyed meeting new people and building friendships. Hopefully they are friendships that will continue to grow.

Starting to get used to Nathan being gone. It's been an adjustment and in no way does that mean I miss him any less. But I handle it a lot better. And we've gotten into our little routines and even Addison is getting more acclimated to him not always being here. I know some people that each time their husband is out of town they stay with other people or have people stay with them. At first when I was scared, I could see why they did that for sure. But with two kids, two cats, a dog...it isn't really an option. Not to mention we would be gone all the time! haha The security system relieves a lot of the anxiety. Now it's just about being lonely at night and taking on all of the evening chores and kids alone. I'm so thankful that his job is going well, just miss my husband! :)

We had some ideas to make extra money to pay off our land and that fell through. We are disappointed the other idea didn't work, but we understand. Now we are trying to come up with another way to do it. There are lots of little ideas but not really worth the time to be honest. We need something that will bring in a lot of money, but yet not take too much time away from the family. So for now we are just praying about it. Our short term goals are to pay off that land, save money for a down payment on a house, and then sell this one.(No idea what we will do with that land at this point.) It will probably take a few years so for now we are just making the most of our situation. The biggest reason for wanting to do all of this is to have a bigger house so we can one day bring our other child home! As time goes on that dream gets pushed back a little but I know that it will happen in God's timing!